I was going to write this post a month ago when I had reached the milestone of loosing 40lbs. Half way there! It has been quite the struggle and I was ecstatic. For a week or so, only to put weight back on. So how could I celebrate the loss and talk about how it's impacted my life.
I realized that as I struggle again, I need to remind myself of what I've learned so far. Maybe I've gained some weight but I still did lose 40 lbs. I need to remind myself what I felt and thought.
Our church is journeying through the New Testament this winter, reading 10 pages a day and then meeting once a week in small groups to discuss what we've read. Somehow familiar words read and discussed many times took on a new meaning. They hit me so hard, I could hardly breathe.
I Corinthians 3: 16 & 17 (NIV 2011)
"Do you not know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Holy Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred and you are that temple."
My body is the temple of God's Holy Spirit. I've known that for years but never lived like that. What startled me the most is that when I mistreat my body, I'm mistreating God's temple! It is sin! I've never seen it so clearly before. I had to repent and once again as I write this I have to repent again.
This truth hasn't sunk deeply into my heart yet. I think I need to put it on the fridge, the bathroom mirror, the car dashboard. My body is God's temple. What an honour! What a sacred blessing! So how can I not honour God by how I treat my body.
For me the biggest thing is mindless eating. I especially struggle at night and when I'm anxious, tired or feeling alone. God is asking me to fill myself with Him, not food.
I went to my Weight Watchers meeting the next week and stepped on the scale. I had reached the 40lb mark. Not even on my radar yet! I was hoping for one or two pounds or not to go up. I was overjoyed. I can still feel those feelings of success. of strength and of inner determination. If I could do this, I could meet whatever other challenges come along.
In Weight Watchers there is a question we are suppose to ask ourselves. "Is what you are going to eat, worth it?" I was so mindless in my eating that I could never ask myself that question. Suddenly I could. Was this scone worth it? This latte? This bowl of icecream? I felt balanced and alive. It was wonderful.
Along the way though, I still did something wrong because I gained 5 lbs back. Just like that. I was and continue to be heartbroken. I have to admit that I gave up. The truths of scripture fled in the face of my anger and disappointment. The knowledge of success and courage vanished. Once more I was in the depths of my deep struggle with food. I have given in to the lies of shame and guilt.
Thinking about it this week, as I've continued to struggle and I'm sure gain some more, I realized that I could ask for forgiveness for a Father who loves me so much. That turning to him, he could once more show me the way. I've committed to learning this scripture passage to begin with. I've committed to tracking again. I'm praying for and receiving forgiveness.
Whatever your struggle, know that God wants to be in it with you. That's the best way to find freedom.
